Relativity and Really Old Men

Saturday, January 08, 2005
It is a well-enough known fact that an object which travels at a significant fraction of the speed of light experiences time dilation, meaning, its clock slows down. It is a well-enough known point of confusion that in Biblical times and in Tolkien's universe, Noah, Abraham and Gandalf had seen hundreds and hundreds of summers...hundreds more than the average man. By coupling science, fantasy and the Word of God, I arrived at a brilliant hypothesis during my flight to Philadelphia, which resolves this age-old point of confusion in but a few sentences. You see, back in those days, things (people included) simply moved faster than they do today. Much, much faster. In fact, things traveled at a significant fraction of the speed of light, and in effect, experienced time dilation. And so, depending on their individual speed, Noah, Abraham and Gandalf's life expectancies increased by the corresponding factor. It is extraordinary that Einstein's theory of special relativity is able to provide a logical explanation for the abnormally ripe old ages of certain men of auld lang syne. It is also a well-enough known fact that sleep eludes me, thanks to the change of time zones.