So I've just had an encounter with The Lamest Vending Machine That Ever Was on the mezzanine level of Stellar-Chance. Everything in there, save the gum, costs 85 cents, so I fed the machine a Washington, thought for a sec before deciding on the Cheez-its (should it be Cheezes-it? Is there a separate rule for product names? Actually, I do believe the plural is "cheez-its" because morphologically speaking, "cheez-it" is considered a single morpheme, kind of like how the plural of "maple leaf" is "maple leaves", but two or more members of the Toronto hockey team are the Maple Leafs. Yep. Wow it is quiet as death in here), and pressed C6.
Would you believe it if I told you that the machine didn't give me my bag of cheez-its because I didn't have the exact fare of 85 cents? Because that is exactly what happened, no joke! What sort of machine from the 21st century, or any century for that matter, does not give change for a dollar? So I rummaged through my purse for change, found a handful, and started feeding Sir "I'm too good for change" a bunch of quarters and nickels and dimes (no pennies; pennies have always been discriminated against by vending machines everywhere. I should stage a riot.), but dammit, the Ungrateful Bitch won't take my change, just plain spit it back out as if it disapproved of the taste of metal. I'm like, wtf? Even Zianja, my old neighbors' baby sister ate quarters like candy...True she also spit them back out, but from the other end, into her diaper, accompanied by gooey brown shit.
Curse you, LVMTEW. I'd write more, but I gotta go home and stop by Wawa on the way so I can get my Cheez-its.
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I have my LVMTEW too, in the med school building. It's actually like, 5 of them, on each floor. They're not quite as lame as the one you know, but they're almost:
THEY DON'T HAVE ANY ITEM IN THE SOUR/TART FOOD GROUP!
I mean, okay, there's plenty o' salty (chex mix and assorted chips), chocolate-y, minty, and sugary (as in cookie-y). But nothing in the Sour Patch Kid or even Swedish Fish family. I mean, what gives?
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