I Spy a Sty in My Eye

Sometimes, I forget that I only have two eyes, and no replacements. Thanks to my disregard for proper eyecare, my left eye is now swollen and lazy-looking, and according to Sarah's research, the symptoms indicate the formation of a sty within my eyelid. YAY. It doesn't seem like too big a deal as long as I don't pop it on accident, but I was scanning the list of sty-related problems of a more serious sort:

-The eye is swollen shut.

-Redness appears around the entire eye.

-You have any change or disturbance in you vision.

-Swelling lasts for more than 3 weeks.

-The sty or styes come back or bleed.

-Your eyelashes fall out.

-Pus or thick discharge continues to drain from the eye.

-You have a fever higher than 100.5.

-You have excessive persistent tearing.

-You have significant pain.

and for some reason, of all the serious problems listed, it was the one about the eyelashes falling out that freaked me out. There is something distinctly horrifying about the possibility that one morning, you'll rub your eyes upon waking up and find all your eyelashes stuck to the back of your hand.

But now my curiosity is getting the better of me: I wonder how I would look with no eyelashes? Would it make much of a difference, given that my eyelashes are of inconsequential length in the first place? Hm.

I've always envied those with eyelashes so long that they make air currents when they blink and necessitate the use of curling irons instead of plain old eyelash curlers.

Funniest Facebook Group EVER!

NAME: Dora the Explorer is soo an illegal immigrant...

DESCRIPTION: Ok, so here's the deal... If you need the explanations they're all around you...

1) She speaks spanish... she speaks spanish perfectly... what is she like...5? Her backpack even speaks spanish perfectly!

2) That backpack of hers has EVERYTHING in it! And we're talking everything! Life support, water/food, clothing for any weather, ropes, grappling hooks, shoes.... i mean c'mon!

3) She's carrying a freaking ZOO with her! I mean, she has a monkey, an band of insects, a bajillion other animals! Really! What kind of legal immigrant has that many pets!?

4) She's always on an "adventure" to transport a "package" to some destination and is always being stalked by a person trying to take that package... i mean... really, Swiper is so obviously some sort of border patrol person trying to collect evidence of Dora's entire narcotics trafficking buisness

The evidence is so obvious and around you guys! And they're even poisoning our little children with them... Who wants our toddlers to grow up knowing spanish before english?! Even if it's the USA...

ONE MEMBER'S POST:

"OMG..I had no idea this group existed. My 2 yr old daughter LOVES dora and her only words come from the show. seriously, her first word was back pack. I'm not kidding. She says abre and hola and zapato and baila and she can name all the characters on the show. It's so sad. My boyfriend and I have always joked about how dora has cocaine in her backpack and is smuggling it and she must be having sex with boots. Wow. Thank you for this facebook group!"
-Mother of a Dora Fan

Where's the Blimp?

I was listening to "Strength and Honor" from the Gladiator soundtrack, and suddenly I thought of that scene in Cinderella where the mice are trying to get past Lucifer the mean, fat cat.

Is that weird?

There's a little blurb in the Science Times about how scientists are ready to put the Large Hadron Collider (named Atlas) into action, possibly recreating the the birth of the universe over and over and over again- 30 million times per second to be exact. It's also possible that the monster machine won't produce anything special, in which case the credibility/rep/etc. of the scientists involved will be annihilated, they probably won't receive funding again for such an endeavor anywhere near our lifetime, and the hope of finding evidence for certain theories will be lost for a long time.

So nothing too exciting, in other words.

Shouldn't this stuff be advertized by a blimp flying a banner, at the very least? I guess they can't count the chickens before they hatch.

PS Meets HP

What's your greatest fear? I completely empathize with you, man!

MMA-Worthy Idea?

I want to build a bunch of random objects like chairs, birds and hairdryers out of playdoh, put them on display, and call it "Plato's ideals".

5-Second Rule!

An awesome one-page article on a scientific study of the 5-second rule. I'm pretty blase about eating stuff off the floor. A little dirt don't hurt, and I'm sure I've ingested much dirtier things than a few colonies of bacteria in my lifetime, and see, I managed to reach the age of 23. But of course if it fell on the Septa bus floor for example, or on the floor of the bookstore bathroom, I ain't that stupid- that shit's staying on the floor.

Happiness to Thoreau

“Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…”– Thoreau

Aphorisms

Beauty is only skin-deep; underneath that skin, everyone is fucking crazy.

The real question is, is it true that the more beautiful and perfect you look on the outside, the more fucked you are on the inside, because it takes so much effort to maintain the physical semblance of sanity and perfection? Or is it that "everyone is fucking crazy", but some are so fucked inside that the fuckedness hidden underneath the skin oozes out like puss through the pores, thus making it visible to the naked eye?

"Everything we see hides another thing, we always want to see what is hidden by what we see, but it is impossible. Humans hide their secrets too well...."

~Magritte, about his painting, "Son of Man"

If I Were a Dictator

Forget ordering mass genocide and hoarding all the wealth and food. If I were a dictator, I would standardize melons. Honeydew, cantaloupe, golden melon, watermelon, (just) melons- there's just too goddamn many of them! And papayas are melons too! Unbelievable...

When life gives you melons, make melonade.

Melon is Elvish for "friend."