What a Moron

I can't believe this guy is allowed to write for anyone, let alone the Times. Gee, where to start. First off, I think it's ironic that he realized how ugly British women were upon returning to the UK after four years in Philadelphia because a recent survey carried out by Travel & Leisure mag shows Philly to be the least attractive city. Whatever the credibility of this survey is, I think he just said what he said for the sake of humor. It would have been more honest to say that compared to girls in LA, British women are more unkempt. But then again, 90% of the world's population is probably less "kempt" than girls in LA. I am all for taking artistic licenses (see past blog posts for examples), but not if it's done to injure others. They should be taken strictly for the sake of self-effacement, if effacement has anything to do with it.

In fact, he does go on to say that he had just returned from a two-month residence in LA and NY. This nugget of info only serves to weaken the worthiness of his opinion even further. He is clearly comparing British girls to girls from the two most appearance-conscious capitals (okay, not capitals, but why is it that state capitals are usually the least known city in the state, generally set in the middle of nowhere?) in the country. So when he polls his "friends" (I'm sure they're really his friends, after all, who wouldn't want to be friends with a guy who's shallower than a kiddy pool?), of course he's going to find out that they spend hundreds of dollars on beauty every month and go to "bikini boot camp" (???) Personally, I spend probably $20 on appearance a month, and please shoot me if you ever catch sight of me at bikini boot camp. Here's a charming generalization taken from the article:

As with many societal ills, I blame the parents. British mothers do not instruct their daughters the way American mothers do. In the US, beauty treatments appear to be a large part of their growing-up experience. A trip to the beauty salon is a group event for girls, an opportunity for a gossip and a catchup.

Charming and utterly false. I know that there are girls out there who like to turn trips to the loo into a group event, but most mothers I knew did not take a gaggle of girls to the beauty parlor on a regular basis. Tips are given at home, passed from mother to daughter, friend to friend, and sure, some girls like to make a day trip to the spa or salon with their girlfriends every once in a while, but it does not make up a large part of our childhood. When I think of my childhood, I think of playing four-square and chinese jumprope, or reading, not trips to the salon for "gossip" and "catchup". Usually I find myself wishing my hair-stylist would shut up- the few times I actually went to a salon for a haircut. I don't understand why any guy would want a girl who spends an average of $700 on "upkeep" every month! A girl who blows that much dough on appearance is most likely self-involved, spoiled, and shallow. Right. As with the hydrophobic tails of cell membrane lipids, "like likes like". See this is why assholes don't die out. Assholes like other assholes, as long as they spend at least $700 on appearance every month.

Finally, I just hate it in general when guys talk about what a butterface this girl is and how they'd do that girl but they wouldn't do that girl even under threat of de-cockification. Please, man. You talk as if any of those girls would do you in a heartbeat. The author goes on to make some negative and shamefully false generalizations about American girls, just so he doesn't get assassinated by the women of Britain, a sorry call for redemption that was crushed even as it took off on its pedicured feet.

I just read the rest of the article, and as it turns out, he does complain that American girls are actually too involved with their appearance, and that this obsession can appear "unattractive" and "unpleasant". So now, we're too conscious about our looks? I now have cause to hate him more. If ever there was a man that was hard to please and more hypocritical than Father Michael, ex-Roman Catholic priest and child molester, it is this guy.

"Nobody's perfect," he begins his ending paragraph. Well, ass-in-a-box, then why do you demand such supreme perfection from women, British or American? Ass, ass, ass! No wonder he's single- with any luck, and with the release of this article, he'll be single for life. If he's lucky, he'll end up spending the rest of his sad lonely days with his fat manager like that burnt-out rocker on Love, Actually. And what was it that the rocker said during the radio interview scene? Here it is:

"When I was young, I was greedy and foolish, and now I'm left with no one. Wrinkled and alone."

Great movie, by the way. I watched it twice in a row during Christmas- the second time with the commentary on. And by the way, the cast is full of beautiful British women.