The Business of Love

Tuesday, 8/26/2008

It's been said that it is natural to feel love for more than one person. But where do you draw the line in terms of what you do with these other people you love? This is a question lots of people have yet to define the answer to, and the cause of so many broken relationships is due to couples not seeing eye-to-eye on this question. As a strong believer in fidelity in relationships, I want to ask: since when has the “naturalness” of something counted as justification for a course of action? If we always acted according to what felt natural, we would kill, hit, steal, and curse more, and in general we'd be a much more violent race than we have already shown ourselves to be. But we stop ourselves from following our gut feelings and carrying out these acts of violence/crimes because as much as it feels natural to take something if we want or need it, regardless of who it belongs to, we know there are rules like “don't steal”, “don't kill,”, etc., that must be followed in order for society to function. Why should love be treated any differently than other gut feelings? 

Monogamy may not feel natural to some, but the breaking of it is harmful on so many levels. In movies (which aim to make a point about reality) and real life, I've seen this breach of vow turn gentle people into bitter people, and sanity into insanity, trusting natures into ones that are forever suspicious of even acts of true kindness; it hurts kids and creates a permanent distance within a relationship that had potential to be something incredible. It is in our interest, I think, to avoid all that. Boundaries must be set in fixed relationships- ones in which both parties claim to love one another in that special way. To say 'I love you (as a good friend)” to others is fine, and they have a right to know it, but if you mean it in a more significant way, it's not so fine.