Springorama!

First bbq of the season-- check! I love sun. Happy Spring everyone! Naw Roz Pirozbet...or something. This time last year, I went out into the hills and saw kites flying and women and girls in sequined dresses and grass and picnics in the grass and circle dancing with tribal cries. This time this year, I am at Rittenhouse Park lying on a cement ledge with eyes closed, pretending to be on a beach with the sound of ocean waves being artificially created by my own mouth and vocal chords. I am surrounded by babies and dogs and buskers with lovely voices and buskers with awful voices and hippie hula hoopers. I am fascinated by the way babies have this internal centrifugal force that drives them around tree barks or poles, making endless circles. I tried this once, and it was fun. One can learn a lot from babies. The most unattractive thing about babies and toddlers is that they often have snot oozing out of both nostrils, and they don't even know it. It means nothing to them. I saw this the other day when I passed by a group of daycare babies in a red mega-stroller piled high with little ones. My thoughts wander freely.

In time, five minutes of sunny, warm bliss is up! I open my eyes, see branches zig-zagging across a clear, blue sky, jump off the cement ledge and head to ballet. I could be anywhere, getting a job anyplace, making plans to travel the world, going to school in sunny Santa Barbara where real beaches lay and ocean sounds are made by ocean waves. But I've found something better than all this. I always assumed it would be a boy that would anchor me, and the desire to have a family with said boy and all that nonsense. Instead, I've found something better than all this. True, it might not last forever, but nothing lasts forever. I'll find a way to make this work money-wise. I'd always been envious of those who had a single passion that they could throw themselves into regardless of the risk, just because they loved it so much that it comes to define who they are, and their very name is associated with it.

"Oh, Holly? She's the opera singer. Rit? He's the film guy. Sujit? Born physicist. There is nothing else he'd rather do." And that son of the Iranian artist, a born graphic artist, so much so that the creator of Tom & Jerry would cut off his hand so that he may never stop his work. I've always wanted to be defined. I believe this is where my curiosity for everything under the sun originates. I've spent the past 4 years since graduating college trying to define myself with this notion that the world was my oyster, and I was free to explore anything now that I was free from the bonds of school.

It's risky business throwing your entire being into one thing, or one person. You could come out of it with much gained but nothing really to show for it. You could come out alone, or penniless, or just an amateur. I can think of a number of things in my life that hold this risk: photography, Adam, and now ballet. Languages. No...that will definitely take me somewhere. Anyway, I don't regret any of it.

Just have to bide my time and put ideas into action, which is always the hard part.